


Looking anew

by TD84



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Jotunn | Frost Giant, M/M, Prisoner Loki (Marvel), Self-Hatred, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 13:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13032231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TD84/pseuds/TD84
Summary: Tony is called in to stand guard at Loki's prison cell. For reasons unknown (and frankly unimportant to Tony) Thor has made a promise to Loki, to replace the ever present prison guard with someone else during a certain night.





	Looking anew

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the first Avengers movie.

"You have my endless gratitude, Man of Iron", Thor booms, clamping a hand on Tony's shoulder that is no doubt meant to be thankful, but the strength of it hurts a little.

I'd rather have some me time and a bottle of scotch, Tony comes close to retorting, but Fury's orders echo in his mind, and he grins instead.

"No worries, Point Break! I love babysitting. Well. That's a lie. I just lied to you."

Thor frowns with that familiar confusion of his, and Tony feels like he should tell him that although babysitting is indeed deemed below his dignity, it's totally worth the chance of intergalactic travel, and that he is actually over the moon (Moons? Does Asgard have more than one? He will soon find out!) that Fury appointed him to go with Thor and stand guard at Loki's trial or whatever. Not that he let it show in front of Fury, and he decides not to reveal it to Thor either. He doesn't want anyone to know that he was jumping with joy at the concept, too excited to even bother with the details of why Loki needs a baby sitter at all. 

"I don't love babysitting", he clarifies. "Babe sitting though, if that's a thing?"

"My brother is not a baby", Thor reasons, frown seemingly turning from confused to a little annoyed.

"But he does know how to throw a spectacular tantrum", Tony can't help but counter, before trying to smooth things over. "Just take me to where I need to be, I understand it was some form of surveillance situation?"

Thor nods, growing irritation cleared away, and Tony wishes every person could be so easily distracted as the blond giant. He gestures and Tony follows.

 

Loki hears the door to the dungeon where he's being held, being hidden away, open and he grits his teeth to try and hold back the inevitable for a little longer. Fear of Thor breaking his promise to him flares up inside and he braces himself. He hates being put in this position, this helplessness, at the mercy of someone that not only can crush him, but has good reasons for wanting to do so. He keeps the mirage version of himself standing, with its back to the bars through which he hears steps approaching. Two sets of them, one being Thor's. He hears his self appointed brother tell the ever present guard to leave, and then hears the sound of that order being followed. His curiosity has him look up from where he's crouching in the corner, trying to see through the illusion who Thor has trusted to keep his secret, still fearful that it will be Sif or one of the warriors. But he can't quite make it out, his own magic still strong enough to shield him, and in the process shielding the world from him. It won't last.

 

"I will come for you when day breaks", Thor confirms. "Now remember, if anything happens, I want you to call for me."

"Hang on", Tony objects. "You've JUST gone to great lengths to get someone here to keep everyone in this world, including yourself, from seeing what Loki really looks like. You've effectively imported an alien to stand guard, and now you want me to call you if 'anything happens'?"

Thor actually blushes at that.

"Well, not 'anything'", he admits. "Loki has been both adament and secretive. He claims the transformation doesn't threaten his life, but then from what I can tell he has no control over it. If he looks to be in danger I want you to call for me, the vows I made him be damned."

At those last words Thor glances at Loki, who doesn't react.

"Got it", Tony agrees, silently wondering to himself how he will be able to tell if a god going through some uncontrolled transformation will look to be in danger or not.

"I must leave", Thor states, clasping that forceful hand to Tony's other shoulder, and Tony tries to find solace in an even distribution of pain. "Until the morning."

"Yeah bye-bye", Tony replies, watching Thor leave.

Then he turns to look at the other god, still standing motionsless inside a glowing prison cell, with his back towards him.

"Remember me, Reindeer Games?" Tony calls out.

Loki doesn't answer, but moments later the scene before him changes. Tony stares wide eyed as Loki flutters and disappears, the tidied room around him changing into a disarray of broken pieces of furniture and what looks like smeared stains of blood. For a second Tony panics as the cell looks empty, and he draws a breath to shout for Thor, but then he sees it. Cowering in a corner of the room is the shape of something living, but it takes him a while to recognize it as Loki. Tony steps up as close as he dares to the golden bars, uncertain of how to understand what he sees.

"Hey, Bambi", he tries, a little quieter, suddenly not sure that it is in fact Loki he's looking at.

But then the figure lifts its head, sending a glare in his direction. And although the rest of it is vastly different, he remembers that look well.

 

"Stark", Loki growls. 

He pours more fuel on the burning hatred towards Thor, for bringing in an enemy to bear witness to his shame. Of all the people in Midgard only Clint Barton would be a better fit for someone to revel in his misery. He draws a breath, feeling a little better now that he's let the taxing mirage of control go, but inescapably also feeling worse for being so exposed.

"So you're the one brought here to be amused at my expense", he continues, not daring to stand up just yet, but straightening his back a little.

"So far it's not been a barrel of laughs", Tony replies, still standing quite close to the enclosure, and Loki tries to read the tone of voice, but fails.

Holding his breath he moves to stand, feeling his body ache more than usual, and he knows the transformation is not far off. Most of all he wants to stay in the corner, making himself as small as possible, hiding from the world, but he forces himself to go stand in the middle of his cell. He sits back down, taking great care to convey more grace than he feels, and looks at Tony, cursing at what the man will get to see.

"You'll enjoy it, I'm certain", he sneers, annoyed at himself for not being able to keep his voice void of emotion.

"Hey", Tony barks. "I don't even know what I'm about to see. Thor brought me here cause he's promised you to keep some secret. I only came for the chance of looking around another world, I couldn't care less about whatever transformation you're about to undertake."

He goes and grabs a chair and places it a bit further back from where he was just standing, and sits down on it, almost grumpily.

"If you can do it quietly and swiftly that'd be great", he continues. "I'm sure you are the least interesting thing to look at on this planet."

Loki stares at the other man before he can compose himself somewhat. But he still has to ask.

"So Thor hasn't told you anything? About what I am?"

Tony shrugs, arms defiantly crossed over his chest. 

"He told us you're adopted. We told him you are a bag of cats, but he wouldn't have it."

Loki frowns at the analogy, then continues.

"He has not explained that I am a frost giant? That once a year I can't keep my true form hidden? That only Odin, Frigga and Thor know if my disgrace? And he hasn't told you what people would do to the palace, to me, if they were to find out?"

He senses a spark of interest in the other man, and rightly so, Tony uncrosses his arms and leans forward.

"A what giant?"

"A monster", Loki replies, suddenly very tired.

He is in no mood to explain how the world works, how the base emotions of disgust and anger can be summed up in the representation of such vile creatures as himself. He's too tired, too weak from the oncoming change to spell it out.

"You'll see", he says instead, and he can't keep from slumping, eyes closing.

Thankfully Stark stays quiet.

 

Tony observes the broken god in front of him, trying to make out what he has just learnt. For a long while they both sit there, Loki with his eyes closed, Tony watching him, and Tony marvels at the fact that he is able to keep still and quiet without having something to tinker with. Then suddenly Loki lets out a low groan, and yet again something changes before Tony's eyes. The pale skin changes gradually, to a vibrant, deep blue. Loki's eyes remain closed, but now they're pressed shut, and he looks to be in pain. He remains seated though, not omitting more noise than that low complaint, so Tony dares to wager that it is not an unbearable pain. After a while he goes quiet and Tony puts that down to the transformation being complete.

"Wow" he murmurs, loud enough for Loki to hear.

And indeed, Loki looks up, fixing him with eyes that are no longer green, but deep red. And full of something Tony recognizes as both fear, anger and contempt.

"Wow", he repeats.

"Go on", Loki growls. "Laugh at me. Voice your disgust. I can see it in you."

Tony shakes his head.

"Bambi, then your red eyes are deceiving you. What's disgusting about this?"

Loki shakes his head, furiously.

"Don't mock me! I know what I am, and I have been brought up to hate it, as have everyone. And with right! Frost giants are abhorrent creatures, not fit to roam even the scantest of planets."

Tony pulls his chair closer to the bars, leaning in to look closer. This causes Loki to scramble to get up from the floor, and backing away as far as he can get, before sinking back down on the floor.

"Don't", he hisses. "I'll be trapped in this form for a few hours, then I'll be free again."

"Who's told you that frost giants are monsters?" Tony asks, genuinely both curious and concerned at the level of self hatred he sees before him.

Loki looks back up at him, seemingly confused at the question, the defensiveness momentarily gone. But it comes back far too quickly.

"What do you mean?" he asks, suspiciously. "Everyone knows this."

Tony sighs a little, and asks again.

"But who has decided that they are?"

 

Loki wishes Tony wouldn't look so closely at him, effectively studying him. For a moment he wonders if he should've just asked Thor to stand guard, knowing that he wouldn't have been able to look at him, and so the hours could've been endured by ignorning what was going on. He wonders if Thor knew what he was doing, bringing in someone from Midgard, who seemingly doesn't understand the concept of frost giants, or if it was a decision sprung from desperation. He frowns, trying to find an answer to the pointless question Tony has posed.

"No one has decided, they just are", he tries, before correcting himself. "We just are."

"See I have a problem with that", Tony replies, and Loki can't help but looking back up from the floor, meeting his gaze. "Living creatures aren't monsters by default. You can't condone a whole species, a whole race, just because you don't understand it."

"But they're violent", Loki starts to argue.

"Aren't everybody?" Tony interrupts. "I'm not buying it. I'm sitting here looking at one, and I'm telling you, frost giants aren't monsters. My experience tells me they can have monstrous issues with self confidence, but that's it."

He pulls the chair back somewhat, leans back on it and stops staring so intensely. Loki stays seated, trying to recall more evidence, more of the facts that he's been told during a life time, to present to Tony. But everything he remembers he discards, knowing the other won't accept them as valid, that anything he can muster won't sway someone who's set against accepting frost giants as monsters. He frowns deeper, resting his eyes on the deep blue tone of his skin. Not unlike the sky at dusk, he thinks, suddenly realizing he's never looked at it long enough to make that comparison before. He holds his hands up, inspecting the changes on colour around the fingers, and in the palms of his hands.

How long he sits like this, he isn't sure. Hours. But all of a sudden he remembers Tony, and bracing himself against the scorn he looks up, only to realize that Tony has nodded off, and is now slumped over the chair, sleeping. Loki gets up, silently, in order not to wake the other, and moves to the middle of the room. For a while he stands, observing the sleeping human with almost the same interest that he has observed himself with moments earlier, and finds himself smiling fondly at the features. He clears his throat, causing the other to wake with a start, looking confused. Wiping some drool from the corner of his mouth Tony finds his bearings and grins at Loki.

"Don't tell Thor I did that", he says, a cheeky glint in deep brown eyes, meeting Loki's without anything but playfulness.

Loki is unable to stop a smile.

"I promise."

He can feel the force of his transformation starting to waver, telling him he would soon be able to return to the form he is more comfortable in, and for the first time he reflects on the absence of a mirror in his cell. He's looked so long at the blue of his skin that he feels he is starting to get to know it, but there is something he's not been able to face. Hesitantly he steps a little closer to the bars separating him from the outside world.

"Would you..." he starts, having Tony look at him expectantly. "... describe my eyes to me?"

 

Tony is taken aback by the request, but quickly finds his footing. Standing up from the chair he moves closer, noticing how Loki has to struggle to remain standing in place. He looks into the other's eyes, wanting to find a word that could do the deep, blood red colour justice, without bringing Loki's thoughts to dark places. For several moments they stand there, caught in exploring the depths of each other, and slowly Tony can sense a word forming. He opens his mouth to speak it, and it comes out as a whisper.

"Beautiful."

The next moment the sound of the door opening breaks the spell. Tony jumps back, noticing at the same time how Loki quickly retracts, and how his skin is changing color again. And then the mirage comes back, rises like a glittering tower of building blocks, hiding the truth and presenting an image of Loki, back once more towards him, composed, controlled. Tony turns to find Thor stepping into the room, face carrying an anxious look, which lessens somewhat when he sees what Loki wants him to see. Behind him another guard steps through the door.

"Man of Iron", Thor says. "Dawn is upon us, I trust all has gone well? Come with me, this man will take your place."

Tony finds himself being ushered out by Thor, and looking over his shoulder he tries to get a glimpse of Loki, but fails. Outside, Thor pulls him to one side.

"Is he alright?" he asks Tony, nearly pleading.

"Well no", Tony replies, frustration at the abrupt ending to his encounter with Loki seeping through. "But then how could he be when a whole world has taught him to hate himself?"

"This is not a conversation we can have now", Thor says with a sigh, waving to some guards further down the corridor. "You have my endless gratitude for this service, and now as per our agreement, these guards will accompany you across our realm so that you can explore it further. When your curiousity is sated, you will be safely brought home to Midgard."

"What about Loki?" Tony asks. "What happens now?"

"It is none of your concern", Thor frowns, yet still continues. "He'll be tried for the crimes he's committed."

"But...?" Tony starts, but Thor interrupts him, glancing at the guards that have now reached them.

"You have done your part, for which Asgard thanks you. Until later."

Before Tony can object, Thor has spun his hammer and is gone. Tony argues with the guards for a while, before resigning to the fact that he is not allowed back into the prison cells.

He spends a few days travelling Asgard but realizes that the claim he made to Loki was false, and that there is nothing on this planet that he is as interested in looking at as Loki.


End file.
